As I said, this series will probably jump around a bit. I had intended a different post next in this series (Mom's food fixations as I grew older in childhood), but with the coming holiday, a different one will come next while it is on my mind.
Mom totally loses sight of what the true meaning of each and every holiday is for. Actually, I don't think she ever really and truly grasped what the actual meaning of any holiday was/is. For her, holidays are a means of Narcissistic supply, via her food fixations. She insists on holding every holiday gathering at her house, using whatever manipulative method she can think of to get as many friends and family members to agree to come. Then, regardless of how 'simple' she tells people that it is going to be, she begins weeks in advance, sometimes even months, planning the 'menu.'
For her, holidays become a PRODUCTION... an event to showcase her cooking talents and bask in all the attention and compliments it brings in. She plans out elaborate dinner menus with a multitude of dishes. For weeks upon weeks she talks incessantly about her menu and all of the various dishes in great detail. Very seldom can you hold a conversation with her without it turning to talk of the next holiday's dinner menu and/or one of its dishes. Not only does the actual dinner draw her in a heap of Narcissistic supply, but she pulls from it for weeks before, drawing in as many small doses of Narcissistic fixes as possible in advance. She basks in control fixes as she discusses the dinner, manipulates people into agreeing they will come to it, and delegates to everyone which menu item she wants them to bring. (No, you don't dare bring what you want and mess up her dinner layout, or you will hear about it for a long time to come. That, or your dish simply gets 'accidentally' hidden in the garage. If you want to bring something of your own choosing, you have to clear it with her first ... to save trouble later.) Those that don't show up for the meal get to be the one(s) she spends the day running down with sarcastic cracks about how ungrateful they are for all the hard work she went through to provide them a great holiday meal.
And this time of year it is Christmas Dinner that is her choice of Narcissistic supply. Even before Thanksgiving, she made it clear to everyone in the family that Christmas Dinner would be held at her house. In the weeks since, anyone daring to consider not coming to her 'production', received guilt laden, verbal beatings, both direct and subtle. And for weeks upon weeks, every conversation anyone has tried to hold with her has almost immediately turned to discussion of Christmas Dinner and the various dishes she will be making for it. She pretends to ask this and that person for advice on certain dishes, but in actuality, it is just another attention draw, a means to get you to talk to her about the meal that she is preparing, the 'production' that she is putting on, a way of pre-fishing for attention and compliments.
As Christmas draws closer, she talks of nothing but Christmas Dinner and the dishes she is preparing. Aside for the few dishes that she delegates, she wants to prepare all of the dishes herself. She actually says that no one else can cook this dish or that dish as well as she can. (There's that grandiose attitude of the narcissist) What she isn't saying is that she wants to cook everything so that all the compliments are on her with no chance of any compliments going to anyone else. This is her show, and she absolutely cannot tolerate anyone else stealing her lime light. Everyone must now attentively listen to her constant chatter about her Christmas Dinner and all of her dishes... over, and over, and over, and over .... food, food, food .... or listen to her fierce barking and growling if she thinks your mind is somewhere else or you try to bring up another subject about yourself. It's the 'Christmas season' ..... this is her 'moment.' She even makes 'practice' dishes before hand, calling people to come try them out, and expecting compliments. Christmas is one of her biggest Narcissism supplies of the year, and she milks it for all she can.
Then, when Christmas is finally over.... after she has spent the day continually trying to stuff as much food down as many people as possible, when people begin to show signs they are getting ready to leave .... she begins the ..."Oh, I am so exhausted! This is so hard on me. This is just too much for me to do any more. I haven't gotten to sleep in days for having to do all this cooking. Etc, etc, etc.," to drain a few more drops of Narcissistic supply (in the form of pity, sympathy, thanks, and a few more compliments) from her guests before they leave. She will then rest from her holiday meal planning for a few days to a few weeks, before she begins the routine all over again for St. Patrick's Day (yes, she will use anything) and Easter.
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