Hi! I'm Victoria. I was born to a Narcissistic mother. I firmly believe I became the 'Scapegoat' child at birth. As I look back through the years, it seems as though, from the moment I was born, she viewed me as a threat.... competition ..... the other woman. None of that was true, of course, but then a Narcissist's perception is never normal or as you would expect. Then two years later my little brother was born. He was the instant "Golden Child" and my hell really began! Everything he did, no matter how bad it was, was wonderful.... and everything I did, no matter how great of an achievement it might have been, was stupid or wrong. In fact, my achievements were usually strongly discouraged. The stories I tell here will bring this all to mind more vividly.
Now, when you are raised by a Narcissist, your forced way of life becomes your normal, and everything outside of that doesn't feel 'normal', sad, but true. As I began to grow and make friends, I apparently gravitated towards friends with Narcissistic qualities. One of my closest friends all throughout childhood, from about age 9 on up through years of adulthood, turned out to be a very extreme, damaging Narcissist, who sadistically inflicted great damage to the bonds between me and my children. I never was sure if I gravitated towards them, or they were drawn to me. I feel sure now that it must have been a little of both.
As I began to date, the pattern continued..... I was drawn to Narcissists and/or they were drawn to me. Then I married a Narcissist, and my hell continued. After more than two decades, I divorced him. By that time I had learned what Narcissism was, realized I was not crazy after all, but instead a victim, and was actively trying to begin my healing process.
I began to date once again, and after a few years I realized I was still matching up with one Narcissist right after another. So I concentrated more on my healing and less on dating.
Although extremely difficult at times, one can usually manage to break free from a Narcissist they may be romantically involved with. But when the Narcissists are a part of your family, breaking free of them becomes much more difficult, sometimes impossible. Narcissism seems to have become an epidemic in my family. My mom is a Narcissist, my younger brother turned out to be a Narcissist and he married a Narcissist. Sadly, at least two of my boys turned out to be Narcissists and quite possibly one or more of my girls. A young niece is beginning to show some early signs, as well, along with one of my grand daughters. The list of Narcissists in my family also extends well into my extended family. One must wonder how much is hereditary and how much is learned or instilled into each. Since I was originally chosen as the 'scapegoat' by my mom, who considers herself the head honcho of the family, all the Narcissists in my family have continued the pattern of making me the scapegoat. But you know, as difficult as that has been and is, I feel very blessed that I am the 'scapegoat' and NOT the 'golden child!' The scapegoat stands a much better chance at recovery and a normal life.
There are so many blogs, writings and forums all across the net that tell you all about what a Narcissist is, how to live with them, how to deal with them, how their mind works, and all kinds of psychiatric mumbo-jumbo about them. And all of that is excellent information to read. Reading all of that valuable type of material helped me tremendously to put my finger on the destructive problem in my life and begin to move forward. I will be forever grateful that that information is out there! This blog; however, will be a little different. I will be sharing with you specific stories, happenings, events, and basically all about my adventures of living my life with my Narcissists. There will, on occasion, be some basic Narcissism informative posts mixed in, but for the most part, this blog will consist mainly of actual stories of life with my Narcissists.
My purposes for this blog are many. First and foremost, I want other people that live with Narcissists but aren't yet aware of what Narcissism is, nor the cause of their frustrations, to read my stories, relate to them, and finally understand what the problem in their life really is, realize that they really aren't the one that is crazy, and be able to take steps to begin to heal. Secondly, I want those that do understand what Narcissism is and must live with it, or have lived with at least one, take some comfort in knowing that they aren't alone... that someone else REALLY DOES GET IT AND UNDERSTANDS!!!
And finally, one of my most important reasons for writing this Narcissism blog in this way.... I want everyone in the world that has never lived with a Narcissist to GET IT!!!! Only a person that lives with a Narcissist, namely those that have been on the scapegoat side, can truly understand the storm, turmoil and frustrations you feel inside you when you have to live with a Narcissist. We know that those manipulative Narcissists are one mean, nasty person with us, behind closed doors..... but in the public eye, they are the sweetest, nicest person anyone could want to meet, making us look like the 'bad guys' when we speak ill of them. My hope is to write this blog in a way that even those people, the unknowing general public, can somehow "feel" what it is truly like to actually LIVE with a narcissist, because not even a therapist, psychiatrist, or any other professional could even begin to grasp the magnitude of a Narcissist's capabilities unless they have actually LIVED with them for a lengthy period.
Finally, we, the Scapegoats of the Narcissists, want you, the Average, Everyday Persons, to quit looking at us like we are crazy, and/or liars, and/or sarcastic monsters ...... and instead comprehend and compassionately understand (even if it is just a little) the turmoil, frustrations, and hell our Narcissists put us through.
