I had run into town for a few errands today and stopped by Mom's house for a bit. All went reasonably well. On my way home, as I got close to home, I saw my narcissistic ex leaving my neck of the woods and heading for town. That was really odd, and I was REALLY hoping he wasn't stalking me again. But I did remember Mom mentioning the other day (actually, it was more than just mentioning, but a post in itself, lol) that he and his new
I started to get off of the phone and she said, "Wait, I have something to tell you first." Oh, I know that 'gossip' tone when I hear it! Apparently Andy is trying to find a new job, and she just had to be the first one to give me the scoop, like it was the story of the century. *eye roll* Again, I started to get off the phone. But first she had to tell me about going to Lowe's to look at mini blinds. Okay... let's back up a second.....
We left my little dog at her house one day while we went out of town for a few hours. When we came back, my ornery little dog had torn up the mini blinds in one front window (she knew to shut the door to that room). I told her I had a couple mini blinds, still in the box, in my flea market shop and I would check and see what the size of them was. The next time I was out there, I checked The size was variable, but I thought one would probably fit. When I gave her the measurements, she said she was sure it was about half an inch short, but I said I would bring one and try it anyway. She discouraged it because she was so sure it wouldn't work. The weather has been bad and I have been sick for awhile, so I haven't been back out there much lately. The market is two towns away, so it is just too costly to drive all that way to pick up a $2 mini blind. So I told her I would pick it up and drop it off the next time I opened.
A little more background - recently, as Mom was talking about something she was trying hard to get Andy to do and something she was trying to get Dan to do, she stopped and added, "I have to keep pushing them to get them to do what I need them to do. I have to just keep mentioning things so they will finally do what I want/need them to do. Otherwise, I would never get them to do anything." In actuality, it is all about manipulation. She rides a subject with the intent that you will finally do what she wants you to do just to shut her up. She can't see that she is actually pushing you away. She only sees that she is 'controlling you' into what she wants. She can't just come out and ask you to do something, then wait for you to get the chance to do it, because that would be giving you the control and not her. A simple question is out of the question. Games must be played to trick you into doing what she wants.
So, back to the blinds. Nearly EVERY conversation we have had lately, she has brought up those blasted blinds! She has gone to the point of driving all over town, looking at them in a variety of stores (on many different days), then making it a point to tell me about them the next time we talk (I call her each night to make sure she is okay ... she is in her early 80s). She really has no intention of buying any blinds. That is her way of "pushing" me into picking mine up. She can't just call me when I am at the market and say "Don't forget to drop those blinds off." Oh, no!! That would give me too much control. I am going to have to hear about those blasted blinds each and every day until we open back up. I told her once, days ago, that I wasn't driving out there just to pick them up. Of course she took offense and said that that wasn't what she was trying to say. And all of last weekend got rained out, so another whole week is going to go by before I go back to my shop.
So tonight, before I hung up, she had to make it a point to tell me that she had gone to Lowe's to look at blinds, "in case yours don't fit." But I knew exactly what the underlying dig was. She doesn't want me to forget them and figures if she mentions them every day I will make sure I pick them up next time I am there, (remember, she can't just remind me that day). Knowing what she was insinuating, I said, "I am not driving all they way out there just to pick those blinds up (which she would actually love for me to do because it would make her feel extra important). I said I would pick them up when I go back out there." And with that, she went off and the fit began......
She sarcastically yelled, "I didn't ask you to drive out there to pick that up. I just said that I was getting one picked out in case that one doesn't fit." (she has spent hours, even days, looking around at the cheapest of mini blinds). I reminded her that she had talked about those blinds every time we had talked for awhile now, and reminded her that she had recently said that that was how she pushed people into doing what she wanted. I calmly said that I wasn't going to be pushed. OH, did the water works ever start!!! She started bawling and blubbering (trying hard as she could to make it sound real) as she wailed out things like, "I don't know why you are saying such horrible things about me! I don't deserve all this! You are being so mean to me!" me .... me ...... me ..... me ..... me
I told her, don't even start with the water works, I wasn't going to play that game. Of course, that set her to wailing and yelling even harder. I stood my ground and dared say, "This isn't about you. Everything in the world isn't about you. It's about me not wanting to drive two towns away to pick up those darned blinds. So just turn it off." (the old ones are still useable and functionable, just look bad)
She jumped me again, as she wailed and blubbered out her venom and tried to make her tears sound real. Refusing to feed into her game and give her the manipulation/control fix she seemed to be craving, I said, "I have a lot to get done tonight. I have better things to do than sit on this phone and play your game. I am getting off of here now," and hung up. Unless she has an audience and tries to milk this, tomorrow, she will be all peachy-happy, pretending it never happened (just as she did with her last similar episode). Why? When one step of manipulation fails, then she goes to the next one. And that will be for her to act like nothing happened, be overly bright and cheery, smiling big and bright, to manipulate me into showing no signs of anger or disapproval, all while her eyes are flashing, "If you don't go along with this, I will verbally rip you to shreds."
Why? because a narcissist can't stand to be caught, they can't handle having one of their 'games' figured out. And, most of all, even though I had hit the nail on the head, they absolutely CAN'T TOLERATE any kind of criticism!! Their delicate ego just can't handle it. This is her way of regaining her control and gets things back on an even keel so that she can begin planning her next 'fix.' (since this one didn't work) And in doing so, she is getting a little 'fix' to tide her over until she gets the next big one figured out.
