There are a handful of people in a Narcissist's life that they look up to, those that they view as someone really special, of high ranking, high social status, of great importance. They actually need a few of these people in their life because to know them, to be associated with them, makes them feel like they are someone special and important simply because they know them. But the rest of us, the Narcissist views as 'beneath' him/her, and the Narcissist will go to great lengths to make it clear to us that we are considered beneath him/her.
My mom, the aging Narcissist, constantly makes attempts to let me know that she views me as beneath her. One of her most used venues is, "Everything I have is better than what you have." No, she doesn't usually come out and say that exactly, it is all done with strong subtleness.
I was over at her house the other day. I reached into my pocket for my cell phone to call my son. Before I could even open my phone she urged, "If you are going to call ----- you can do it on my phone faster. All you have to do is push this one button and it automatically dials him." I sat there looking at her in disbelief. Sometimes what they say really sounds off-the-wall, but makes perfect sense to them. She was suggesting that even her phone was better than mine! I had just hung up talking to him earlier and it would stand to reason that I, too, could push just one button and dial him back. But that really didn't matter, by the time I put my phone back up, walked across the room, picked up her phone, looked to see what she was talking about (because she would have to dramatically spend some extra time to show me how to do it on her phone with an "Me and my phone are so special" attitude to draw attention to herself, I could have had my son dialed and completed our conversation. But instead, she had to quickly grasp the opportunity to let me know that her phone was better than mine. In reality, she must have been needing a Narcissistic fix.
I said, "There's nothing wrong with my phone, it works just fine. I can just as easily call him on it sitting right here." She pushed, "But mine is better, you can just push one number and call him." I refused and proceeded to dial him on my own phone, sitting right where I was on the other side of the room on the couch, as she continued to grumble under her breath that it would have been easier and better to have used her phone (house phone).
As you may know and/or will learn, a Narcissist usually has multiple reasons for each of their tactics. In this particular case there were at least two reasons for her attempted diversion. The biggest reason, of course, was to get in a dig that her belongings were far superior to mine, making it clear that I am absolutely inferior to her. After this Narcissist being in my life for nearly 50 years, it still amazes me at how fast she can think up and pounce on an opportunity to put me down, to get in a dig that she views me as beneath her. Her entire manipulative thought wave occurred in the amount of time it took me to pull my phone out of my pocket and slip it out of it's pouch.
Secondly, this was an effort to get 'gossip' material. Her favorite evening 'hobby' is to get on the phone with her gossip buddies and share info. Again, there is a double edge here. First, if she knows something they don't (which is learned by eaves dropping on a conversation that she heard and they didn't) and shares it with them, it makes her feel special and important. Alternatively, she uses everything she can dig up on me throughout the day to run me down to her friends, to make me look bad/weak, and herself look great. The closer I come to my little small business becoming a success, the stronger her need grows for knocking me down in the eyes of the public. She knows exactly which gossips to speak with to get word spread around town the quickest.
So how would it be easier for her to hear my conversation on her phone? Because I got tired of being the butt of her nightly gossip and I usually go outside to talk on my cell phone, giving my lame excuses as to better reception or something of the like, or best of all, no excuse at all, just step outside to talk on my phone with no other word (The suspense of not knowing what I am saying or to whom I am speaking absolutely kills her!). Her alternate intent was to quickly stop me from going outside, where she couldn't hear, to talk on my phone. To manipulate me into using her home phone that is on the end table just inches from where she was sitting, would give her the best possible chance of hearing everything I said, and possibly a good portion of what someone on the other end said, if she listened very closely. But there is no winning with a Narcissist. I am sure her nightly gossip turned into how stupid I was for being stubborn and using my cell phone when she gave me the opportunity to use her terrific land phone.
And all this conspired in under 5 seconds, as I pulled my phone out of my pocket, slipped it out of it's case, simultaneously stating, "Just a minute, I'm calling L." (she talks non-stop, to keep the attention on herself, and won't stop talking unless you tell her to - let her know that you are not going to be listening to her for a moment - if even then) You just never know when the simplest, most innocent of gestures will be used against you by the Narcissist.
My mom, the aging Narcissist, constantly makes attempts to let me know that she views me as beneath her. One of her most used venues is, "Everything I have is better than what you have." No, she doesn't usually come out and say that exactly, it is all done with strong subtleness.
I was over at her house the other day. I reached into my pocket for my cell phone to call my son. Before I could even open my phone she urged, "If you are going to call ----- you can do it on my phone faster. All you have to do is push this one button and it automatically dials him." I sat there looking at her in disbelief. Sometimes what they say really sounds off-the-wall, but makes perfect sense to them. She was suggesting that even her phone was better than mine! I had just hung up talking to him earlier and it would stand to reason that I, too, could push just one button and dial him back. But that really didn't matter, by the time I put my phone back up, walked across the room, picked up her phone, looked to see what she was talking about (because she would have to dramatically spend some extra time to show me how to do it on her phone with an "Me and my phone are so special" attitude to draw attention to herself, I could have had my son dialed and completed our conversation. But instead, she had to quickly grasp the opportunity to let me know that her phone was better than mine. In reality, she must have been needing a Narcissistic fix.
I said, "There's nothing wrong with my phone, it works just fine. I can just as easily call him on it sitting right here." She pushed, "But mine is better, you can just push one number and call him." I refused and proceeded to dial him on my own phone, sitting right where I was on the other side of the room on the couch, as she continued to grumble under her breath that it would have been easier and better to have used her phone (house phone).
As you may know and/or will learn, a Narcissist usually has multiple reasons for each of their tactics. In this particular case there were at least two reasons for her attempted diversion. The biggest reason, of course, was to get in a dig that her belongings were far superior to mine, making it clear that I am absolutely inferior to her. After this Narcissist being in my life for nearly 50 years, it still amazes me at how fast she can think up and pounce on an opportunity to put me down, to get in a dig that she views me as beneath her. Her entire manipulative thought wave occurred in the amount of time it took me to pull my phone out of my pocket and slip it out of it's pouch.
Secondly, this was an effort to get 'gossip' material. Her favorite evening 'hobby' is to get on the phone with her gossip buddies and share info. Again, there is a double edge here. First, if she knows something they don't (which is learned by eaves dropping on a conversation that she heard and they didn't) and shares it with them, it makes her feel special and important. Alternatively, she uses everything she can dig up on me throughout the day to run me down to her friends, to make me look bad/weak, and herself look great. The closer I come to my little small business becoming a success, the stronger her need grows for knocking me down in the eyes of the public. She knows exactly which gossips to speak with to get word spread around town the quickest.
So how would it be easier for her to hear my conversation on her phone? Because I got tired of being the butt of her nightly gossip and I usually go outside to talk on my cell phone, giving my lame excuses as to better reception or something of the like, or best of all, no excuse at all, just step outside to talk on my phone with no other word (The suspense of not knowing what I am saying or to whom I am speaking absolutely kills her!). Her alternate intent was to quickly stop me from going outside, where she couldn't hear, to talk on my phone. To manipulate me into using her home phone that is on the end table just inches from where she was sitting, would give her the best possible chance of hearing everything I said, and possibly a good portion of what someone on the other end said, if she listened very closely. But there is no winning with a Narcissist. I am sure her nightly gossip turned into how stupid I was for being stubborn and using my cell phone when she gave me the opportunity to use her terrific land phone.
And all this conspired in under 5 seconds, as I pulled my phone out of my pocket, slipped it out of it's case, simultaneously stating, "Just a minute, I'm calling L." (she talks non-stop, to keep the attention on herself, and won't stop talking unless you tell her to - let her know that you are not going to be listening to her for a moment - if even then) You just never know when the simplest, most innocent of gestures will be used against you by the Narcissist.
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